The Mansion
by t0talpwnage
Summary: Gai, Anko, Naruto, Ten Ten and Shino get stuck in a mansion. With Shino and Ten Ten, being the only people with any sanity, how will the group survive?
1. THE SAGA BEGINS!

The Mansion

I don't own Naruto. I never will. Sigh.

T'was the night before Christmas, something something something yadda yaddda.

On to the point. Our ramen loving nin was feasting upon a bowl of the Christmas special ramen. Boy did this man love his wheat-based treats. While slurping, Naruto is interrupted by the freaky snake-lady Anko.

"Heeeeeeey Naruto! Hokage wants to see you" She said as she did the poofy-no jutsu.

One poofy jutsu later.

"What do you want Tsunade-baachan?"

"How many times do I have to beat you senseless to stop calling me an old lady?"

Naruto thought for a moment. "14 times so far, baa-chan!"

The Hokage twitched with anger.

"Sigh, what's the use? Your retarded already…"

"Yeah…" Naruto agreed.

"Naruto, you will go will Anko, Maito Gai, Armbrame (Sp?) Shino and 2020 Tenten to a secret mansion uphill of Konohana. Your mission is to find the Holy, I mean Wholly Wheat Grain Bread. Its powers of healing is astounding."

"YOSH! LETS VENTURE OFF!" Gai shrieked.

The 5some arrived near the mansion.

"Why do I feel like I'm in a bad horror movie?" Ten Ten asked.

"Why do I feel like my life is in the hands of a youngster with a computer" Naruto asked.

"Quit your whining and lets go!" Anko commanded.

"Dango no jutsu!" Anko chanted. A stick of dango appered and she munched on the sweet dumpling.

_"This jonin is weird…."_ Ten Ten thought.

"…" Shino said.

The fivesome went in the mansion. Unfortunely, the door closed behind him like a bad horror movie. The doors surrounding then also closed.

"NANI?" Gai screamed.

"Crap, it's a trap!" Anko informed. Duh! Everyone except Naruto already knew that.

"Fools… You are stranded here forever until you learn a valuable lesson in teamwork! MWUHAHAHAH" A mysterious voice boomed.

"Oh no… I'm trapped with a freak, a nutcase, an idiot and Shino…" Tenten said.

"What's so bad about being Shino?" Shino asked.

"Your just so… Shinoish… It's freaky…"

"Hhahaha! Who's the idiot?" Naruto asked.

"O.o… -- " everyone said.

"What?" Naruto asked.

"TT WHY TENTEN? WHY HAVE YOU INSULTED ME?" GAI (ahem) Gai shrieked.

"Kakashi was right, you are a freak…" Anko muttered.

"You heard the voice right? We have to work together as a team. That is the rule" Shino said.

"Yeah… DANGO NO JUTSU!" Anko chanted.

Short Intro Chap!


	2. Shino's request

The Mansion

I don't own Naruto. I never will. Sigh.

* * *

Anko was happily chewing on her sweet dumpling while thinking of Kakashi (who doesn't)

Gai was crying.

Naruto was annoyingly repeating "Where's the ramen?"

Tenten was biting her nails while thinking how long she would last.

Shino was being Shino.

"Tenten, Anko, we must destroy the wall around this area?"

"Why don't you ask Gai and Naruto?"

"They tick me off."

"Erm okay? What are we supposed to do?"

"Tenten, knock Naruto and Gai out. Anko, blow that door up with a fire jutsu"

"Okay… Great fireball technique!" Anko chanted as she blew down the door.

"HYAH!" Tenten battle cried as she knocked the knuckleheads down.

"Anko, search the mansion for anything that we could sleep on. Tenten, find food. I'll attempt to find the bread. Meet back here in exactly 5 minutes. We must work together. That is the rule." Shino Shino-ed.

The threesome darted away into a dark door.

3 minutes later.

"Wh-what happened?" Naruto wondered.

"Oh crap, I'm stuck with a lunatic." Naruto muttered.

"…YOUTH…DESTINY!... HAIRGELL!... Eye..b r o w…" Gai sleep talked.

"I gotta find the others! Smell no jutsu!" Naruto chanted.

_"I knew it! Anko always carries some dango in her pocket! What a weird jounin…" _Naruto thought as he followed the scent.

**_Anko's Point_**

"Grr… All I found was some old dusty blanket and a few unfluffed pillows. Oh well. Wait… I sense someone. Who goes there!" Anko said.

"It's me, Naruto."

"Oh. Whew. I thought it was someone smart. Dango no jutsu!" Anko chanted.

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean? Where did the others go?"

"To answer your first question, you're dumb. To answer you're second question, Tenten is looking for food and Shino is looking for the Wholly Bread. I already found my objective so lets go back."

**_Ten Ten's point_**

_"Darn. All I found was some old jellybeans. I'll head ba- Hmm? What is this? Someone's diary?" _Tenten thought.

It read :

ITACHI's DAIRY: I was a teenage psychopath

By: Uchiha Itachi

Page one

Dear Diary:

Omigosh, father is like, totally against me! All I wanted was to kill someone in a rave party! He never listens! Is taking a life really all that bad? Anyway, I killed him along with every dirty little family member I had. Except Sasuke. He, like, totally understands my true psychopaths feelings. Maybe I'm setting a bad example. I mean, It's like I'm evil… . I also found out about an organization that has psychopaths like me! Anyway, Itachi out.

"HAHAhAHA" Tenten laughed.

"I gotta show this to Shino!"

**_Shino's point_**

"Nope. No bread. Poofy no jutsu!"

**_Gai's point._**

"THE YOUNG PEOPLE LEFT ME! I'M ALL ALONE! AHHHH!" Gai whined.

**_Camp's point_**

POOF! POOF! POOF! The 4some arrived back to "camp"

"YOU HAVE NOT DESERTED ME! HORAAY!"

"Tenten, do you think you could knock him out again?" Anko asked.

"Sure thing. HYAH!" Tenten cried.

"Unfortunately, I did not find the bread." Shino said.

"I did not find food."

"I did not find quality sleeping wear. I got this crappy thing but…"

"I did not find ramen…"

"What are we supposed to eat?" Naruto whined.

"A ninja is always prepaid. That is the rule." Shino Shino-ed.

"Yup. MASS DANGO NO JUTSU!" 4 sticks of dango appeared.

"Yay…" Ten Ten murmered.

"Shino…" Ten Ten started.

"Yes?"

"Look what I found…"

* * *

NEXT TIME ON THE MANSION: The group starts to get pissed! Another look at Itachi's diary!

I just had to get this idea out of my head. I will continue Naruto plays ddr though.


	3. Diarys!

The Mansion

I don't own Naruto. I never will. Sigh.

* * *

"Could it be?"

"I'm afraid so"

"WE ARE IN THE UCHIHA MANSION?" Gai screeched

"SHUT THE HELL UP MAN!" Shino screamed.

"O.o" everyone else said.

"Oh crap, I lost my cool. Shino's cool no jutsu!" Shino chanted.

Suddenly, everyone snapped back to their original state.

"Ten Ten, can you do me a favor, can you find Sasuke's Diary too?" Naruto asked.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Anko asked.

"Blackmail!" everyone except Shino exclaimed. Shino was now too cool for his jutsu!

"Poofy no jutsu!" Tenten chanted.

"Lets take a look at this diary…" Anko said.

_Page 2_

_Dear Diary,_

_O-M-G! I got kicked out of Konohana just because I murdered my family. How b.s is that? Anyway, I joined this organization called Akatsuki! Everyone there totally understands my psychopath needs! I feel kind of bad leaving Sasuke to die like that, but he's got to know how to live! (Sniff) I miss my cute little brother so much! I even got him tapioca! _(Naruto laughed at this) _Anyway, I'm paired up with some freaky fish dude. He's cool but, he's always like whining. He is always going 'ITACHI! MY GILLS ARE GETTING DRY!'. He pisses me off. Anyway, I killed 13 fangirls and 2 fanboys today. Freaking stalkers! Just let me be (sniff) Why does everyone have to stalk me? Their so mean! WAaaaah! What does emo mean to you? The Akatsuki also gave me a weird handout sheet. Here is how I answered._

_Name: Uchiha Itachi_

_Gender: Male, my cousin keeps hitting on me though. I killed him._

_Did you kill anybody: See above_

_Are you gay: No. Some people think I am. See above above._

_How did you find out about this organization: My therapist recommended you guys to me for an outlet for my anger. I killed him after I saw the bill._

_What village are you from: Konohana_

_Are you either cool or awesome: I'm more on the awesome, but I can be cool at times._

_What job do you have: Ninja._

_What organization did you want to join other than Akatsuki? Yes. It's called the Male Organization for Feminine men. MORM for short._

_Favorite food: Tomatoes. Or tapioca._

_Itachi out_

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" everyone laughed. Shino laughed to. His laugh sounded like mouring children.

"I found Sasuke's Diary!" Tenten exclaimed as she poofed back in.

"Lets see!" everyone yelled.

_Sasuke's Diary: I am a childish emo._

_Page one_

_Dear Diary:_

_Aniki killed everyone! That sucked. It was cool though. He recorded it on a DVD player and showed the killing to me 4 times. Every time he said 'Die fool' he would slit someone's throat. I also found a bag of white powder. I sniffed it and I passed out._

_Other that that, these two really weird girls named Ino and Sakura tried to touch me in my private spot. It was really freaky. Oh well, time to steal Neji's french toast.(See Naruto Plays DDR). What makes French toast crunch anyway?_

_From,_

_Uchiha Sasuke._

"AHAHAHAH!" Everyone laughed.

"Lets show this to Sasuke when we get back to Konohana! How do we get back anyway?" Naruto asked.

"Awww man Naruto, you killed our happy time! We have to find the bread of wholly to go back!" Gai said at an indoor voice. That was surprising.

"DANGO NO JUTSU!" Anko chanted.

* * *

Next time on the mansion!

The group gets pissed at eachother!

That wasn't so bad now was it?


	4. BABY GAI OMG!

The Mansion

I don't own Naruto. I never will. Sigh.

Sorry for the late update. You guys would understand right?

* * *

"Give me the dairy!"

"No give it to me!"

"Hand it over you little punk!"

"…"

The diary was thrown out the window.

"Crap!" Naruto exclaimed.

"We cannot escape to find it!"

"OMG I SEE A WHITE HAIR UPON MY SHINY MUSHROOM HEAD! YOUTH NO JUTSU!" Gai shrieked.

After the smoke disappeared, a small baby appeared.

"Is that… Gai?" Anko asked.

The baby was a deformed lee.

"Can we 'accidentally" drop him?" Naruto suggested.

"No killing the freakishly annoying deformed baby!" Tenten said in defense.

"Fine…"

"Does that mean that we are going to be a family now?"

We now return to "I am a ninja housewife"

"Honey I'm home!" Naruto called out as he entered the obviously fake door to the obviously fake house.

"DADDY!" Tenten and Shino cried as they ran towards their father. Well, Shino sorta just murmured it be whatever.

"What did you bring us from Hiroshima?"

"I got all you guys some radioactive waste!"

"YAY" the childrean yelled as they procceded to hug their dad.

"Naruto, were have you been?" Anko asked.

"Do I have to repeat myself?"

"Gerald!" (annoying fake laughter)

"I'm not Gerald! You kids be nice to baby Gai okay! Mommy and I are going to go out to a restaurant. No you can't come!" Naruto said.

"Awww man!" Tenten and Shino whined in unison.

"Y-you-youth!" Gai muttered.

"OMIGOSH! HIS FIRST WORD!" Anko shrieked.

"GET THE BABY BOOK GERALD!"

"I'M NOT GERALD!" Naruto shouted.

Please accept this commercial from Shikamaru!

"Can't win at Shogi? Is your friend an annoying blonde? Are you troublesome? Well come on down to see the therapist Shikamaru!" Ibiki introduced.

"Hey kids! Come down to the therapist to see why you're retar- I mean special! Remember, you GUYS ARE SUCKERS!" Shikamaru yelled.

"Pineapple man! Pineapple man! Making lotsa suckers out of… sand?" The lady singers stumbled.

"DIE ALL YOU PIECES OF (beep) NO ONE DISSES SAND!" Garaa screamed.

We are now back to "I'm a ninja housewife"

We interrupt this useless show to say that the actors all quit!

We are now back to The Mansion.

"What the heck was that?" Naruto asked.

"Yeah dadd- I mean Naruto." Shino said.

"That was weird" Anko stated.

"We're still stuck with an annoying sensei-baby. One of us will have to take care of him." Tenten said.

"Ohh Ohh! I will!" Naruto volunteered.

"Remember that last time you tried to take care of an organism?" Shino asked.

**Flashback**

"MR.GIGGLES! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

**End Flashback**

"Fine…" Naruto murmured.

"Shino can't take care of a baby because he is too… Shinoish…" Tenten stated. Shino gave her the death glare.

"Anko might eat him…"

"I resent that! DANGO NO JUTSU!" Anko protested.

"That leaves me… Crap…" Tenten whined.

"We are done for today. The sun already set. We are going to bed." Shino Shino-ed.

"Who is going to take care of Gai?" Tenten asked.

"You. You are responsible. That is the rule." Shino Shino-ed.

"You better not be weird after this sensei." Tenten muttered.

The 5some went to bed and woke up to find…

* * *

Stay tuned to find out! 


	5. Choco, Anko's cooking, and stale bread

The Mansion

I don't own Naruto. I never will. Sigh.

* * *

The group woke up to find… a pingpong ball. What a let down. Anyway, the group woke up bright and early to find the wholly bread. But first, a little breakfast.

"Dango no jutsu"

"Naruto, come with me to find the wholly bread. Anko, see if you could find any suspicious activity. I have a bad feeling about this. Tenten, take care of Baby Gai" Shino Shino-ed.

"POOFY NO JUTSU!" The threesome chanted.

**Shino and Naruto **

"Naruto, I will use my bugs to scan the place for any sign of food other than dango. You use Taju Kage Bunshin no jutsu to aid our quest."

"BELIEVE IT!"

"What was that for?"

"I don't know…"

"Go."

**Anko**

"_He could have been a little less vague on that 'suspicious activity'. I guess I'll head ba-. Hm? What's this? A book entitled 'How to Cook an Annoying Blue Beast' huh? This may come in handy…" _Anko thought.

**Tenten and Gai.**

"M-mamma?" Gai asked.

"I ain't yo mamma." Tenten replied, stressed out.

"MAMMA! MAMMA!" Gai shrieked.

"You know, you aren't as cute as Baby Kakashi (See story Baby Kakashi. It's on my favorites list)."

"EYEBROWS!" Gai screeched. A visible hunk of chocolate dropped out of his recently attained diaper.

"Well, I didn't have a treat for a while so, bottoms up!" Tenten said.

"**OHHHHHHH MYYYYYYY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!" **Tenten screeched as she discovered the true meaning of "Reindeer Chocolate".

"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Tenten shrieked as she went absolutely ballistic for a soap bar.

"MAMMA!" Gai shrieked!"

"_Luckily I carry around a mouth sanitizer for my very own creepy and unheard of reasons!" _Tenten thought as she rapidly started to spray her mouth with the liquid.

**Shino and Naruto**

"Did you find it Shino?" Naruto asked.

"No. My bugs are far to distracted by the sweet dumpling to find something as silly as stale bread. I'm having a hard time controlling them. Did you find anything?"

"No. All I found was this creepy tutu. Do you think it would be a nice gift for Sakura-chan?"

"No. For all I know, Itachi could have worn that."

"You're right. Keep searching then"

**Anko**

"_Turn the oven to 360 degrees for an hour, boil some carrots and scallion. Add three cups of… mayo and youth spice? What the heck is youth spice? No. This recipe is too fattening. Let's try the next one…" _Anko thought.

**Tenten and Gai.**

"All right Gai, it's time for your nap. Shut up and sit down for a story."

"MAMMA! CHOCOLATE!" Gai shouted.

"Once upon a time there was a little boy in a green spandex suit that got eaten by a scary snake lady who had an irreversible taste for dango…" Tenten started.

**Shino and Naruto.**

"Nothing. It's time for lunch. Lets go Naruto." Shino said.

POOFY JUTSU!

**Anko**

"_All these recipes are riddled in fat. Better get back." _Anko thought.

**Tenten and Gai**

"The end."

"S-scary story mommy…"

Poof Poof! Poof!

"We are back. After lunch we will continue searching." Shino concluded.

"Fine…"

* * *

NEXT TIME ON THE MANSION

I dunno really. I didn't think I'd get this far. :D


	6. Reactions :D

The Mansion

I don't own Naruto. I never will. Sigh.

Sorry 'bout your late update. I had absolutely no creativity and was focusing on Naruto Plays DDR.

Once again, sorry.

* * *

"How can you stand eating dango?" Naruto asked. 

"How can you stand eating ramen?" Anko shot back.

"'Cuz it's a bowl of absolute heaven."

"This is heaven on a stick."

"Yeah, whatever."

"We are done." Shino Shino-ed.

"WHAT? I only got to eat one stick!"

"Anko must preserve her energy for later uses. Untill then, Tenten, Gai and Anko go together. Your experience with Gai was hideous." Shino said.

"Oh, so you saw then?"

"I **heard **you."

"Oh."

POOFY NO JUTSU! WEEEEEEE

**Shino**

"Bugs, go find the stale bread. No, it is not the sweet thing in the air. No you may not go to the bathroom. I told you to go before we left. I don't care if it 'smells bad', just go find it. Hey, no trash talking." Shino talked to himself. Or soyou thought.

The swarm of bugs taunted Shino as he grunted to regain control over the pests.

**Naruto**

"Stupid Anko… Stupid Shino… Grumble grumble, double mumble." Naruto said aloud.

"Are you Uzumaki Naruto?" A mysterious voice called out.

"What the… Who are you?" Naruto called back.

"Ah, please forgive me, I am the RAMEN SPIRT!" the voice called out.

Suddenly, the room Naruto was in was suddenly illuminated brightly.

"MY EYES!" Naruto cried.

Ah, yes, anyway…

The light faded away to reveal a bowl of ramen. Floating in the air.

"I must be freaking dreaming."

"Does my godly scent deceive you?" The ramen asked.

"N-no… I guess not… What do you want from me?"

"You are the chosen one. You must fill the prophecy. RETURN THE SWORD AT ONCE!" The lich king cried somewhere else.

"You are the chosen one. You must fill the prophecy. Your death will complete the circle." Ramen said.

"W-wait, I'm going to die?"

"Oh, did I just say that out loud?"

"Yup. What do I do again?"

"You must find this wholly bread, and DESTROY IT! IT HAS BEEN MY RIVAL SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME!"

"What's in it for me?"

"Umm… A life supply of Ramen?" The bowl stammered.

"All right, I'll think about it." Naruto replied as the bowl vanished.

**-Somwhere in Sound-**

"Orochimaru, Naruto seems to be thinking about our proposition." Kabuto said. Why would a smart guy like him be hanging out with Micheal Jackson anyway?"

"Excellent. Bring me the forbidden articles…"

"EWWW! My lord, please reconsider."

"No. Bring me my Sasuke-kun weekly… MuwwhahAhaHAHAHAHah!" Orochimaru laughed.

-In da mansion-

**Anko+Tenten+Gai**

"Tenten, where's Gai?" Anko asked, noticing that the ignorant baby was no where to be seen.

"Oh, he was tired so I put him to bed."

Anko smiled a hidden smile.

"Oh umm... I got a foods… cooking in the oven." Anko said as she ran off to somewhere else.

"Oh, okay…" Tenten said.

"HEY! Anko can't cook!" Tenten realized, as she gained suspicion. Still, she continued to search for the shaped wheat.

**Anko**

"_Oh. She was right. The little freak was asleep. Now where did I put that cookbook?" _Anko thought.

"_Ah yes, here it is! Let's see here, 15 pounds of blue beast. Check. One clove of Garlic. Three potatoes. 4 sticks of dango. Check. All I have to do is raid the Uchiha fridge."_

**Shino-ster**

The bugs taunted Shino until he revealed the sacred weapon, only to be used for emergency reactions toward bugs.

"I thought I would die before I use this…" Shino said.

The weapon was a fine, 1 and a quarter foot long weapon, made of flexible ninja material. One of the endings had a handle with fine leather. The weapon was light, flexible, and deadly. The color was black. The other side had a squareish shape, with wires going back and forth. Just the mention of the name brings shivers down any Aburame spine. Shino quivered while holding the deadly weapon.

It was a flyswatter (SFW: DUN DUN!)

"I didn't want to do this but…" Shino started as he managed to swat a single bug.

He collapsed. THE SHINO collapsed. The sudden movement from one who doesn't move at all killed many people on a random island.

"NOOOO! I CAN'T DO THIS! I CAN'T! I'M NOT MANLY ENOUGH!" Shino shouted.

He shouted. THE SHINO shouted. The sudden audible voice from one who hardly speaks killed 1/3 of Europe. This was the called the Black plague. Was it though? NO! It was Shino.

Shino got upon his knees and shouted.

"Noooooo!"

Ahem. ANYWAY!

**Naruto**

"Did Anko slip cocaine in my dango? Because I SWORE I saw something resembling a flying bowl of Ramen."

**Tenten**

"_Maybe the story was true. Maybe, Gai will be eaten. Maybe, I don't give a second crap."_

**Anko**

"_I thought so! The Uchihas have everything, even if it is like, 5 years old. Still good though. ANYWAY, on to cooking this annoying brat." _She thought as she started to strip Gai for the soup (A/N: Tsk tsk. Shame on you people who thought the other way)

"_What the… The spandex won't come off… Meh. A little texture never hurt anybody. Except Sasuke…"_

**Shino**

"ooooooo-? What's this? Could it be the wholly bread?"

* * *

TO BE CONTINUED. NEXT CHAPTER!

I'll be working on the sequal to Naruto Plays DDR so don't expect chapters updated regularly.

:D


	7. Gai Stew It's good for your health

The Mansion

I don't own Naruto. I never will. Sigh.

Sorry 'bout your late update. I had absolutely no creativity and was focusing on Naruto Plays DDR.

Once again, sorry.

"…Could it be… THE WHOLLY BREAD?" Shino shouted. In his mind.

Slowly, Shino removed something soft, stale, wheatish to find… (I know. I suck at cliffhangers to.)

* * *

**Anko**

"_Preheat to 360 degrees. Check. Add condiments. Check. Dango… Not check. DANGO NO JUTSU. Check. And your Gai is served." _Anko thought.

Slowly, she removed the lid to find nothing but dango and condiments.

"What the… Where did my blue beast go?"

"I know he's weird, he's creepy, he's freaking annoying, but he is still my sensei!" cried Tenten, holding Gai.

"Even though he embarrassed us, tortured us, only paid attention to Lee, neglected us, and insisted we wear caterpillars for eyebrows he's still our sensei!" Tenten claimed.

She stopped to think. "Ah what the heck. You can have him. That stew smells good. Save me a bowl." Tenten said as she threw Gai to the crazy snake lady.

"Excellent." Anko smiled.

**Naruto**

"I better head back…" Naruto said.

**Shino**

"Darn. It's only Itachi's thong. Better head back." Shino said aloud.

**Camp**

The ninjas gathered around a warm pot of something that smelled REALLY good.

"Anko, this doesn't seem like dango…" Naruto mentioned.

"I know, have a bowl." Anko said.

Naruto puts the spoon to his mouth, and immediately devoured the contents of the bowl.

"Whoa slow down.. Here's yours Shino, and here you go Tenten."

Both the nins took a sip. Stars came to both of their eyes. Of course, you couldn't see Shino's eyes.

"Mmmm! This is sooooo good! Dattebayo!" Naruto cried.

"Excellent dish Anko."

"I love it." Shino said.

THE SHINO said LOVE! OMG.

"What is in this soup?"

Anko smiled devishly.

"Gai…"

GASP OMG!

Everybody around the table (except Anko and Tenten) chocked on the food.

"Actually Anko, this is a healthy meat substitute called TOFU!" Tenten called as she revealed Gai.

"WHAT? TOFU? I'M ALLERGIC TO TOFU! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO –cough choke gasp wheeze-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Anko screamed as she melted into a small puddle of the liquid that shall not be named.

"So Anko's dead now?"

"I guess."

The threesome looked at the liquid that shall not be named and saw a small keychain floating in the liquid. It was a small communicator that had the words OROCHIMARU IS NOT MICHEAL JACKSON on it.

"Could it be? This is not Anko, this was a bunshin sent to kill one of us, which was Gai. That means the real Anko must be kidnapped!" Tenten said.

"Quick, stand and stare at the puddle!" Shino said.

"Why?"

"Cause we look cool."

DUN DUN DUUUUN!

-Somewhere in Sound-

"Orochimaru-Sama. The Anko Bot deteriorated after eating tofu." Kabuto informed.

"Curses, that was its lone weakness! Bring me the forbidden video."

"Sigh Orochimaru-sama. I am disappointed in you."

Kabuto sadly walked to the forbidden lobby where the forbidden door was forbiddenly hidden. Beneath that laid the forbidden room for the forbidden case lay which had the forbidden video in it.

"Clear." Kabuto said as he threw a can that said anti-fangirl and the occasional fanboy repellent. Then, he took the "Forbidden Sasuke-kun video" and presented it to his lord.

"Excellent…"

* * *

END OF CHAPTER!

Woah, I did this in 20 minutes. It's not a lot though…


	8. Naruto's Nose

The Mansion

I don't own Naruto. I never will. Sigh.

Did you guys see the latest episode of Naruto? It was totally freaky, with Shino laughing and all that. That inspired a part in this fiction.

* * *

**-Somewhere in Sound-**

Sakon and Kabuto were engaged in a ferocious battle of Yo Mamma.

"Yo mamma is so fat, that when she jumps for joy she got stuck!" Sakon shouted.

"Oh yeah, well your mamma is so fat, that when she put on her yellow raincoat, people called 'taxi!'"

"Yo mamma so stupid, that she got hit by a parked truck."

"Yo mamma so stupid, that when we told her to take the 66 bus to Shea Stadium, she took the 33 bus twice!"

"Yo mamma so fat, she sat next to everyone in the first grade."

"Yo mamma so stupid, she tried to put M&Ms in order."

"Gasp! Well… Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits!"

"What does that have anything to do with Yo mamma?"

Suddenly, the presence of a snake entered the room.

"Which one of you brats made fun of me?"

"Uh… UKON (that's Sakon's brother right?) DID IT!" Sakon cried.

"No matter, we have plans… Send Tayuya to the mansion…"

**-Uchiha Mansion-**

The heroes dramatically looked at the dead puddle. Naruto interrupted the moment of dramatic ness.

"OK I'M BORED!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Could someone please shut him up?"

"That would be my job. HYAH!" Tenten shouted as she pummeled Naruto unconscious.

"That's better. We will split up once again."

"Just the two of us?"

"Yes. You find Anko. I'll get the bread." Shino said.

POOFY NO JUTSU! LMAO!

**Tenten**

"_Shouldn't I be at least a bit concern that a jonin was kidnapped? Oh well…"_ Tenten thought.

"_What's this? Another book? This one is entitled 'Physic Torture for Dummies By Ibiki. Hmmm. This may come in handy…"_

**Shino**

"_I wonder why we never have to use the bathroom…" _Shino thought. Then, he chuckled. HE CHUCKLED! OMG

**Camp**

"Mamma? Oni-chan? WAHHH!" Gai cried, realizing he was alone.

Suddenly, a scary lady with a short temper arrived.

"Oba-san?" Gai wondered.

"WHAT THE (beep)? DO I LOOK THAT (beeping) OLD TO YOU?" Tayuya screamed.

"Oba-san? WAHH!" Gai screeched. Unfortunately, only an unconscious Naruto was there to listed.

"(beeping) ninja." Tayuya concluded as she left a mysterious (MYSTERIOUS) note.

**Tenten**

" _Ah, here's a section for interrogation. Step one, tell the person what to admit. Step two, look into the Torturee's eyes. Step three, chant the Hokey-Pokey. DAMN! Someone is trying to torture them. Step four, dress in a large overcoat, a large spiked afro, and sunglasses. Make sure you do not have any emotion while you do this." Tenten thought._

"_The last part sounds familiar…"_

**Shino**

"Where is the bathroom anyway?" Shino asked to no one in particular.

**-Somewhere in Sound-**

"OH MY GAWWWD! WHAT IN THE NAME OF DANGO ARE YOU DOING TO ME?" Anko shrieked.

"Nothing my dear, something you will like a lot…" Orochimaru said.

"NOO!" Anko shrieked.

"Yessss… Watch the horrid 70s show. MwuahHahAHAHAHAhahah!" Orochimaru laughed.

**Tenten & Shino**

POOOOOOOOOFFYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY WEEEEEEEEEE

**-Camp-**

Poof! Poof!

"Tenten, did you find anything?" Shino asked.

"No. Did you find any information?" Tenten asked.

"No." Shino no-ed.

Our blonde slowly regained consciousness.

"Uh… What happened…" Naruto stammered, waking up.

"Hey, I found this really cool trick…" Tenten said.

Then, the indescribable happened. Not really, I could describe it.

Tenten put her hands on Shino's overcoat.

"What the…"

Then, she ripped the whole thing off, even Shino's glasses. Shino was there, barely naked. Then, Tenten put on the clothes. Then, Tenten ripped of his hair. Shino passed out.

"Naruto." Tenten said in an emotionless tone.

"Wuh?" Naruto bumbled.

"Put your left foot in, ya put your left foot out. Ya put your left foot in and ya shake it all about. Do the hokey-pokey and you turn your self around, that's what it's all about!" Tenten "sang".

Suddenly, Naruto's eyes swirled, with the funkay motions of the pokey.

"Is it true you wore a thong at Hinata's birthday party?"

"No."

Suddenly, Naruto's nose grew wider.

"I mean yes…"

"AHAHAHH!" Tenten laughed.

"Okay, is it true that you were visited by floating ramen, and was told to destroy the wholly bread?" Tenten wildely asked.

"Yes…"

Naruto's nose stayed the same.

"WTF?"

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END CHAPTER! WoOOH! 


	9. Shino and Tenten! :D

The Mansion

I don't own Naruto. I never will. Sigh.

**Bold print would mean a flashback**

_Italics would be someone's thoughts.

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_

_**-Somewhere in Sound-**_

"Oops, I forgot the baby…" the anger-issue women said. Then, she poofed away…

_**-Da Mansion-**_

"WTF?" Tenten shouted. Shino groaned at the sound level. He struggled to sit up.

"_I better tell Shino… Then again, I always wanted to ask Shino this question…" _Tenten thought.

Tenten sternly looked at Shino's vulnerable eyes

"Put your left foot in, ya put your left foot out. Ya put your left foot in and ya shake it all about. Do the hokey-pokey and you turn your self around, that's what it's all about!" Tenten "sang".

"Shino, tell me why you are so anti-social."

"Ah, I remember clearly…"

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**-Flashback-**

**It was a bright and sunny day; perfect for a picnic. So that's what Shino's family did.**

"**Shino-kun, what do you want to be when you grow up?" Yuna (Shino's mom. I just made this up)**

**Shino was looking at a Garfield comic strip.**

"**I want to be a comic strip drawer!" Shino exclaimed.**

**Unfortunately, Yuna only heard Strip and the ER from drawer…**

**Suddenly, Yuna's monocle cracked and she made a chocking sound.**

**Suddenly, Yuna dropped to her knees and shouted, "WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?" **

**Then, Yuna took the shards from the monocle and stabbed herself.**

**Suddenly (again) Auron shouted, "NOOOOooo!" as he took out his bigass sword dramatically.**

"**Auron? What happened to Yuna?"**

"**She, uh, is at a permanent… uh, I gots a food… in the oven…"**

**-End Flashback-

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**

Tenten started to cry uncontrollably. Then, she ran over to Shino and returned everything. Then (again) she hugged him. Shino blushed.

THE SHINO blushed. Such a rush to the head would increase Bush's approval rate by 73! But, no, not in this fic.

Tenten eased the hug. Shino took her arm.

"I… liked that…"

Again, the sudden words from the silent nin would have found Osama Bin Laden. Again, that is impossible…

The two embraced, this time, Shino hugged back. They were on the edge of lip connection, when I came in.

"Hold on fellows, you can do that after the fic. No romance in here. No siree. And go get a room!" I called.

"Fine… maybe we will…" and the two walked to Sasuke's bedroom.

"Damn. Now, my two best actors are probably doing something that shall not be named. Now, I'm stuck here with an idiot. I'm going to get ice-cream…" Then, I poofed away.

One Ice cream later…

The two ninja descended from Sasuke's room, looking very… normal. They were about to search for the bread when they sensed an abnormal presence…

"OROCHIMARU!" Tenten shrieked as she pummeled the nearest shadow, which happened to be Naruto. In Henge.

"Damn you Tenten, you caught me… Anyway, what were you two doing in Sasuke's bedroom?"

"Uhh… You see… Uummm…" Shino stammered.

"We were playing connect four, waiting for our bestest buddy to wake up!" Tenten exclaimed.

"Umm… I knew that!" Shino said.

"Oh, okay… Oh by the way, did anybody see Gai?"

"Oh crapface…"

The trio searched the entire mansion, but no luck.

"All I found was this mysterious note saying that the sound nin took Gai and Anko. It also says we must let Naruto search for the bread or they will be fed to snakes. It also has a return address… I wonder what this could mean…" Naruto asked dumbfounded.

Tenten and Shino gave an audible sigh and a slap on their foreheads…

"Do we really want them alive?"

"Nope."

POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

**-Naruto-**

A mysterious snake-like voice echoed _"Ramen… Ramen…" _I wonder who it could be.

"STOP HAUNTING ME!" Naruto shouted.

"_Destroy the bread…" _cried the voice…

"WHAT IF I DON'T WANT TO? THE DAY I DESTROY THE BREAD IS THE DAY I GET VOICED BY A GIRL IN THE ENGLISH DUB! BELIEVE IT!" Nartuo cried.

"_That can be arranged…"_

"STOP HAUTING ME!"

**-Shino-**

"_That experience with Tenten… Agh! It's too distracting! Even my bugs are starting to tingle…"_

**-Tenten-**

"Bagh! Where could that piece of wheat be?" Tenten asked.

Then, a shadow darted toward Tenten and knocked her out. All that remained was a note…

**-Shino-**

"_Crap! My bugs are going wild now! Something is terribly wrong here…"_

**-Naruto-**

"STOP HAUTING ME DATTEBAYO!"

"_You poor, confused fool… Didn't you think twice? Isin't it obvious? The bread is in the OTHER pants of Uchiha Itachi. His closet is located exactly three feet left, a flight up, and twelve feet right. His closet has a number code. The code is 4…4…5…4…4…3.5…6.7…89…2345… Did you get that? The letter code is FLABERGASTED"_

"Bur…." Naruto drooled. A word larger that 4 letters would send him into panic mode (totally copied that from science teacher).

"_You suck, you know that?"_

"Burr…"

A shadow punted Naruto three feet left, a flight up, and twelve feet right. Naruto's head convienietly punched in 4…4…5…4…4…3.5…6.7…89…2345

The shadow female dog slapped him in the face.

"The… definition of the word… flabbergasted is… sushi!"

The closet door opened. How convienient…

What was in the closet would horrify Naruto more that six Osama Bin Ladens…

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END CHAPTER WOOOT!


	10. 12324223

The Mansion

I don't own Naruto. I never will. Sigh.

**Bold print would mean a flashback**

**No offense to mega Starwars fans**

_Italics would be someone's thoughts._

Oh my gosh. I am very sorry for the latest update ever. I put fun in front of this story for a while. So terribly sorry. I also want to know your comments on the story. I don't think this could outshine my first fic.

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What was in the closet would horrify Naruto more that six Osama Bin Ladens…

He was grabbed by the spirit of Christmas past or whatever.

"W-w-where am I?" Naruto asked.

"You are viewing the life of a super ultimate mega Star Wars freak"

"Star wars?"

"Someone that is mega obsessed over a show called Star Wars."

"I knew it. The world has come to an end. Why are you showing me this?"

"Because I used fifteen minutes on the phone that saved 15 or more on car insurance. And I lost a bet with OROCHIMARU (cue lighting)"

"Where's the bread?"

"Not the point. Take a look."

**LIFE OF A SUPER ULTIMATE MEGA STAR WARS FREAK**

In this vision, Naruto sees a horribly obese man well over forty encaged in a messy room with a large layer of greasy shirts covering everything. The (cough)nerd(cough) had every antique item related to the movie ever. He is holding a greasy pizza. The man had glasses, a shirt that has "YODA PWNS" imprinted on it.

"_Yeah, camping outside the movie theater will be great. Don't forget your lightsaber toothbrush. Oh, and remember, no girls allowed." The nerd wonder spoke._

"_You're well over forty! Get a job! Get a wife! Get out of my basement!" A woman called. The woman appeared to be old and disabled._

"_Ah, hold on, SOMEONE is being rude here!" nerd boy cried._

"_Ah shut up!"_

End vision

"OH MY GAWD! I WISH I COULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS!"

"You can not."

"You're getting off topic." I said.

"Read the script…"

SCRIPT

Naruto: Burr…

Christmas Past: I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE

END SCRIPT

"What the crap was that?" C.P asked.

"I dunno. Here's the bread." I vanished after revealing the bread.

"OMIGOSH! DA BREAD!" Naruto squealed.

Naruto rummaged through Itachi's pants.

"Down with Bush sticker. Nope. Plastic Sasuke doll. Nope… A can of something called lube? Meh. Might as well bring it." Naruto said.

Naruto's glaze met upon the wholly bread that was stuck between the katana and the lip-stick-kissed picture of Kisame. Freaky.

You know the little imaginary devil and angel on your shoulder? Here's the exact situation. Except the red little dude looked like a weasel and the angel was a square with wings.

"Destroy it." The red little dude said.

"33432432" said his "angel"

"What the…" Naruto said.

"Yeah, where's the angel?" devil asked.

"34435345" concluded box boy.

"I'm confused."

"Go for it. RAMEN DOOD!"

"784849384" which roughly translated into: "This career is mocking the very essence of my ability." With that, he disappeared.

"KILL THE RAMEN! HE TOOK THE PRECIOUS!" Red man shouted.

"RASENGAN!" Naruto blew the ramen out of existence.

"YOU FLAMING IDIOT!" yelled Shino, suddenly bursting though the room. THE SHINO yelled again. Such an event would cause… You know what? I ran out of ideas…

**-Hokage Mountain-**

"_I assigned Naruto for this mission BECAUSE he would fail… This is payback Orochimaru, you hear me, PAYBACK!"

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_

END CHAPPIE!

Sorry about the low quality-late update thing. My creativity level dropped into the non-existence zone. I'll replace this chap as soon as I get a good idea.


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